How to make balanced relationship with the In-Laws?
When a person gets married, especially in Persian culture, it means that she/he has accepted family members of his/her spouse. Marriage is not only between two individuals as couple but a strong social relationship between two families.
Usually, people have friendly relationship with their family members. They like to continue their relationship with their family members after marriage. So generally both new groom and bride will be involved in each other family relationship. Both of them should socialize and hang out with their in-laws. In cases where couples are coming from small family, the task is easier to make balance in relationship with in-laws. Not always, it’s that simple. By balanced relationship I mean a healthy relationship; a mutual relationship in which both parties benefit from each other and they enjoy spending time with each other. Specifically in Persian culture, there is high status for the family situation. There is strong bound between members of family. Realistically after marriage, this bound would become weak. But there should be effort from both parties side to create friendly relationship and also preserve it. It is critical in first years of marriage, each party give plenty of time to the other party in order to know his/her in-laws in a deeper way. We are all coming from different cultural backgrounds. A point which makes a marriage successful is to accept and respect each other value, culture, and traditions.
In the very first years of marriage, there would be conflicts in relationship between in-Laws which is normal. Because it takes time for people to know each other. So, one may say something but the other misinterprets it in another way which may be resulted in miscommunication or conflict. It is crucial for in-laws not to expect highly from each other. I mean they should give time to each other and not get upset with words or actions of in-laws.
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Another strategy which results in a balanced relationship is creation of boundaries. From the very first moment of each social relationship, both parties should know their boundaries. They should know what they can expect from the other party and what expectations do the other party have from them. Even in a relationship between in-laws the responsibility of each person should be determined. For example couple could determine how many times a week they will go to visit their in-law parents. If the new bride in a family shows so much interest in visiting her in-laws and several times a week she goes to them, at first it may seem as a friendly relationship. For a while, the person could continue this relationship but gradually when she becomes busy with life difficulties, she barely could visit in-laws even once a week. In such a case, the other party will misinterpret the change of behavior in the person and may take it personal. So, I personally believe that it is beneficial to keep the relationship in a level which both parties could keep it for a long time.
The other issue in such relationship is unnecessary involvement of in-laws in process of decision for critical life issues. Some times in laws just because of helping will really involve in the couple life and this creates conflicts. Couple should make boundaries and not allow other people decide about their life. So based on my personal experience, couple should state to their family if they need their assistance they will ask from their family members directly.
As a final word, if the love bound between family members would be strong, no obstacles could make them be apart. Because they will respect each other cultural values and give time to each other to understand and become comfortable in their relationship with their in-laws.